Gaymon Huard

Location: Kansas City, MO

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Musings with the Greenster

Greetings and salutations fans,

As we all know yours truly and the Kansas City Chiefs are preparing to face those evil, twisted, cut blocking SOB's known collectively as the Denver Broncos on the NFL network's first ever televised game. Since it's the first time the NFL Network are showing a game, I thought I'd share a few firsts with you. They're mostly about the Broncos and simply reinforce why I hate them.

1. They are the first team Damon "Not the face" Huard lost to as a starter this season. Need I say more? Actually I will. Huard couldn't get the job done and despite his 11TD's against inferior opposition, this defeat is the reason Coach Edwards couldn't wait until I was healthy again despite Huard's blatant meddling with the water supply and Ty Law catching him with a huge quantity of LSD shortly after Coach Edwards' obviously fake "I may bench Trent" comments.

2. The Denver Broncos were the first team to vent asbestos into visiting teams locker rooms.

3. The Denver Broncos were the first NFL team to establish diplomatic relations with Red China. Of course, the Toronto Argonauts beat them to it, but Canadian Football makes less sense than Aussie Rules (and is nowhere near as fun.)

4. The Denver Broncos were the first team to be sued by Harry Nilsson for copyright infringement. The never relased 1997 "ditty" "Can't live, if living is with Elway" was thankfully yanked by Harry's legal representatives.

5. The Denver Broncos were the first team to give evidence against Oliver North. Leftist pricks.

6. The Denver Broncos will be the first team on the NFL Network to lose. And surrender 600 yards in the air. Because I will pass for 600 yards on the dot.

So, there you go. Never say that I, Trent Green am not a facet of knowledge.

In practice today I was able to stick sugar in Huard's Pinto gas tank. Brodie Coyle better watch his step too. His recent flirtation with the #2 spot hasn't gone un-noticed.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Back in the saddle, baby!

Hey sports fans,

Sorry I haven't updated the blog in a while. Those neurological tests and frontal lobotomies can really take it out of you. Speaking of things being taken out, where was Gaymon on Sunday? That's right, nailed to the pine whilst I put on yet another trademarked display of offensive excellence.

So fuck Huard and his 11TDs. He didn't hasn't got anything on me. My numbers this season are a testament to efficiency. I didn't pass much in the first half because the gameplan (well, my superior to Coach Edwards' gamplan) was to scare the Raiders. Yeah, I could have torched them for 700 yards and 10 TD's just to show the world I was back, but I was making them respect the run. But when it came to the crunch, I knew Larry Johnson couldn't get the job done when it mattered and bought out the big guns. Or my arms as they're known down here in KC.

So, the Raiders went down. Obviously the scoreline doesn't reflect the dominance the Chiefs, led by me and not "Mr Touchdown" Damon Huard extolled in that game, but we're still alive in the play-off hunt. Thanks to me.

Speaking of thanks, my arch-nemesises...sess...sese...those pricks the Broncos are next on the hitlist for your man Trent Green. Having seen the laughable Chargers (beaten by Damon "Career Backup" Huard no less!) best them, I can sense a career day beckoning. I haven't felt this good since training camp in 1999.

Happy Thanksgiving kids!

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Son of a biscuit!

I'm slightly annoyed at the state of the nation today. You see, when I awoke from my usual 4 hours sleep (regular people need about 8, but I'm Trent Green and only need half) I found a terrible decision had been made. No, I'm not talking about the mid-term elections. It seems Coach Edwards has committed the first and possibly lethal mistake in his career. He's having second thoughts about turning the reigns back to me when I finally pay some Mexican doctor to clear me! Shit, I would have done that weeks ago had I known what the bastard had planned for me! Yeah, we're 5-3 in KC at the moment but none of that is down to Huard! The man is little more than a hand off monkey! Have you seen a game this season? Well, probably not because I haven't been playing but let me tell you our offense would be more effective if we just snapped the ball to Larry Johnson direct. He's doing his bit to keep the team alive so that I can lead us to Superbowl glory. Huard on the other hand is getting away with sheer fluke. 5-2 as a starter, yes, that's true but we all know what happened in the games that counted! He blew it against Denver and he blew it against Pittsburgh. 2-6 Pittsburgh!

However, those communists at CBS aren't paying attention. Huard steps up, Huard does this, Huard manages games well.

I told Coach Edwards that Gaymon's "game management" was all a plan to screw both of us. He wants to cripple Larry Johnson, pass more and try and keep me on the bench! I think Gaymon's gotten to Coach though- maybe he drugged him or something.

Coach: Well, Damon's actually been passing the ball. He's thrown 11td's Trent.

A Huard throwing for 11 TD's? What the fuck? I told Coach that simply can't be but then he started saying stuff like was I dizzy or anything?

Coach: Well, Damon's got two Superbowl rings and is doing a nice job.

Hey, I led the Rams to a Superbowl. Not actually playing in it but by practically playing through Kurt Warner. And look how his career went as soon as I started tearing it up in KC.

Nice job?! Nice job!?!?! Jon Kitna's been doing a nice job and Detroit aren't going anywhere soon. Honestly, the world is a scary place today.